Mood: Carefree
Music: watching 布衣神相 on SCV

Some good news to share with everyone, I passed my Final Theory Test for driving on my first try! *yeahs* It might be something minor but its still an achievement, right? :P
Gonna have to book my practical test, prob next week when I'm going to SSDC for practical lessons. Unfortunately, the earliest available period for the test is next year February. It's so gonna be a long wait, but nevermind, I'll keep practicing so I can pass on my first try! :) I've made a deal with Daddy! ;) *hohoho*

I wanna learn soooo many things, but no cash to do it. :(
What do I wanna learn?
- wakeboaring
- making my own clothings
- cooking
- drums
- sailing
- kayaking
- dancing
blah blah blah..

I wonder when is the next GG meetup, because I know whenever I see my dear girls, I always feel so much better and can be myself.
It doesn't mean when I'm with my other friends I can't be myself or whatsoever. Its more of like a close relationship that makes it all special. I can express and say what I want, I need not hide what I don't want others to see.
Regardless of the closeness, I still hold back part of myself.
I don't cry in front of other people, I try not to show a sad side of me, I try not to do this and that.

Because I'm sure if you know me long enough, I'm someone who acts more like a boy. Or should I say it as, I make myself feel more like a strong person, someone who thinks that 面子 is such an important thing in my life.
Putting 面子 aside, my friends should be able to count with their fingers how many times I've looked upset or angry. Through this, a lot of people think that I'm a very cheerful and happy-go-lucky person. Its true that I don't like to show that I'm upset or angry in front of anyone, sometimes even including my family. Don't ask me why, because I really don't know.

I'll much rather hide in one corner or cry when I'm sleeping, just as long as I'm by myself. I don't like the idea of showing people that I'm such a weakling, as much as I want someone to care for me, I don't wanna let anybody know or see me in that state. I know some of you might think that it is such a painful thing, why are you making or putting yourself through it? I don't even have an answer for myself.

Sometimes I see others getting taken cared, I feel so envious and jealous. But at the same time, I tell myself, why should I feel this way. I should be someone who's like an iron, I no need to be taken care by others. I can be very much independent by myself, I can settle things myself, I can do this and that all by myself. I think I'm being such a wimp by running and hiding myself from reality, but to me, I think this is the only way that I can push myself to be a stronger person and hide the weak side of me. I wanna be a strong woman, I need no care or help from guys.

I know I made my so-called daily diary blog into some reflective corner for myself. I can't help it, because I think this is the only place I can rant and express the true-side of Valerie. I think I should make this a private one instead.